What to do with an Uncooperative Spouse

Feeling the need to work on your marriage and finding your spouse unwilling and uncooperative is as commonplace as it is frustrating and angry-making. If you are like most people you have, on several different occasions, tried begging, pleading, nagging, the silent treatment and threatening to leave, all to no avail. Your spouse doesn’t trust shrinks, knows someone for whom marriage counseling has failed or doesn’t want to incur the time and expense of something that isn’t going to be productive anyway. The entire process leaves you feeling frustrated, angry, resentful and hopeless.

In these cases, the best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your growth, your needs, your happiness (and that of your children, if applicable.) This doesn’t have to be done in an environment of hostility and malice toward your spouse. You can let go of trying to change them (which never works anyway) and focus of changing yourself. There is a lot of fruitful work you can do, so much so I have written a course about it; click here for additional information.

Lastly, you may choose to remain together and make the best of it. People remain married for many reasons, the children, financial or emotional security, religious or cultural reasons, fear, etc. Things may get better, particularly if you can avoid sinking into despair and frustration and try to remain the best that you can be. Be the best person you can and trust that what you need will eventually come to you.

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