What to do with an Uncooperative Partner
Feeling the need to work on your relationship and finding your life partner unwilling and uncooperative is as commonplace as it is frustrating and angry-making. If you are like most people you have, at several different occasions, tried begging, pleading, nagging, the silent treatment and threatening to leave, all to no avail. Your partner doesn’t trust shrinks, knows someone for whom couples counseling has failed or doesn’t want to incur the time and expense of something that isn’t going to be productive anyway. The entire process leaves you feeling frustrated, angry, resentful and hopeless.
There are, however, some options. Part of the reasoning behind the development of Maintaining a Healthy Relationship was that it is an alternative to conventional couples counseling. If your partner objects to entering into couples counseling, you remind them that Maintaining a Healthy Relationship is a course, and, like any course, you know up front how long it’s going to take and how much it will cost. You can argue If you won’t come to couples counseling with me, at least we can take this course together.
The next best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your growth, your needs, your happiness. This doesn’t have to be done in an environment of hostility and malice toward your spouse. You can let go of trying to change them (which never works anyway) and focus of changing yourself. There is a lot of fruitful work you can do, so much so I have written a course about it; click here for additional information.
Lastly, you may choose to remain together and make the best of it. People remain together for many reasons, financial or emotional security, religious or cultural reasons, fear, etc. Things may get better, particularly if you can avoid sinking into despair and frustration and try to remain the best that you can be. Be the best person you can and trust that what you need will eventually come to you.