Intentional Happiness

William R. Colagrande, MS

For as desirable a commodity as happiness would seem to be, I find there is very little practical information available on the subject. In researching happiness this past summer, I’ve come across some interesting ideas I’d like to explore a little now.

Let’s start with some basics. Everyone has both positive and negative traits. The positive ones, such as honesty, perseverance and reliability bring us a sense of happiness whenever we employ them. The sense of satisfaction from doing a job well can be equally gratifying whether the task is mowing the lawn or completing a big project at work. Happiness results from having exercised our positive qualities.

Conversely, when we fall into living out a negative trait, such as jealousy, resentment or blame, we pay the consequences in terms of guilt, loss of self-esteem and anxiety or depression. So it goes.

The positive correlation between happiness and employing one’s positive traits opens up a potentially productive line of reasoning. Whatever happiness we currently experience in our lives is primarily the result of having managed to employ our positive traits in some respect: relationship, work, avocation or all of the above. Most of us have accomplished this inadvertently, that is without intentional planning and above all, specific action on our part. Imagine the possibilities open to us were we to intentionally identify and cultivate our positive traits and determine ways and means to incorporate them into as many different aspects of our lives as we can. By employing this formula we can intentionally increase the amount of happiness we achieve in our lives.

Think of it this way: I enjoy fishing. Fishing is actually a fairly complex task, bringing into play many of my various personal traits and qualities. By deconstructing my fishing experience I can learn to individually identify each component trait. Once consciously identified, I can go about determining in what other areas of my life I can employ these same traits. Increased happiness in my life would result.

It is interesting to note that while the research suggests that employing positive traits is highly correlated with attaining happiness, the process itself is not always pleasurable. Take weight loss for example. If one is overweight and determines to shed some pounds, the successful outcome will make you happy even though the process of having gotten there is not pleasurable. Was it pleasurable saying no to pasta, wine or desserts? No. Is it gratifying to have met you weight goal? Yes. Are you happier now that you have lost weight? Yes. Was making all the necessary sacrifices a joy? Not really.

In fact, some will argue that happiness is difficult to attain in the absence of overcoming adversity. Having children and seeing to it that they get the best start in life entails making many sacrifices and meeting many challenges over a period of many years, yet few will argue that all the effort was not worth it. You often hear stories of people who have sustained a serious debilitating injury express a depth of happiness and contentment unknown to them prior to their injury. I never understood this before. Now I can see that in having found the courage and determination to struggle though their disabilities they tapped into a source of strength (key positive traits) they hadn’t known they possessed. Not everyone responds in this fashion and hopefully few of us will have to contemplate the rest of our lives from a wheelchair. But this scenario is a dramatic, but no less descriptive, example of happiness being a byproduct of challenging adversity.

I fear that due to its Calvinistic overtones, this awareness is slipping more and more into the background of our contemporary culture. It seems happiness is currently considered more a function of immediate sensual gratification, as one’s range of interest seems to be limited primarily to self-indulgence. I suppose that Socrates or Aristotle may have voiced the same misgivings two thousand years ago, but it is an important point to bear in mind.

Some of us seem to have been born with a wealth of positive traits and the good fortune to incorporate them into their activities of daily living. The rest of us are left to intentionally identify our own positive traits and then find ways to more fully integrate them into our lives. This is not usually easy to undertake or accomplish and many shrink from the task. But by understanding yourself, identifying your positive traits and determining various ways in which to bring them to bear in your life, you can consciously and intentionally increase the amount of happiness you feel.

This is hard work, not rocket science, but a task that requires a sense of commitment and willingness to put forth the necessary effort regardless of fleeting outer circumstances. Nothing will be accomplished by wishing, dreaming or hoping it will be so. Increasing happiness in this case is a function of planning, effort, engagement and connectedness, not of fantasy or whim. But the opportunity to do so is available to us all and certainly does constitute an admirable use of our time. We certainly haven’t got much to lose by giving these concepts a try!

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The ideas presented in this piece were excerpted from the SmartLiving workshop The Pursuit of Happiness: a practical guide to achieving greater happiness.

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Comments, questions, concerns? I’m always interested in your feedback: e-mail bill@i4hd.com with your ideas.