Hope

William R. Colagrande, MS

What is it you picture when you hear the word hope? Many people consider it as having a religious connotation, as in faith, hope and charity. The word is also commonly employed to describe social service programs for those who have encountered ill fortune in their lives, such as homeless people, cancer patients or victims of child abuse. I think it is accurate to say that the term has fallen out of common usage, but revisiting the notion of hope may prove interesting.

Hope is defined as an emotional belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances within one’s personal life. It implies a certain amount of perseverance, believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is evidence to the contrary. Though generally considered a positive concept, it does have its detractors. Nietzsche, for one, is quoted as saying “Hope is the worst of evils for it prolongs the torments of man,” an interested if not cynical point of view.

What I suspect Nietzsche was pointing to is the less well understood aspect of hope. Most people associate hope with words like dreams or wishes, getting what they want, often as if by magic or grace. We can get too caught up with the getting what we want part while failing to sufficiently appreciate that things may not turn out as we planned. Hope is a vision or goal that we have, but, having identified that goal, we then have to work toward accomplishing it. That work or commitment to the goal is capable of producing a lot of bitterness, frustration and despair on those occasions when we fail to obtain that which we desire. And to the extent we failed to allow for that possibility when we started out, the blow may seem severe, even cruel.

There are no better examples of this than in affairs of the heart. When we feel we love somebody, or at least desire them a great deal, the failure to attain the desired outcome can be very painful. This is so because it is our hearts that are involved, a more tender and vulnerable part of ourselves, and because under the impetus of love we tend to stretch farther and go harder quicker than we do in pursuing career or financial goals. The outcome is that once burned, many people experience difficulty ever opening up fully to love again. Though commonly associated with adolescents or young love, adults are not immune. In fact, adults who did not have these kind of experiences as adolescents are often more vulnerable when they experience their first heartbreak later on in life. They have a tough time rebounding from the loss, in part because they didn’t see it coming.

That is why, when hoping or wishing for something, it is not only necessary to be prepared to work hard in the pursuit of the goal, but to remain consciously aware of the possibility that life may throw you a curve ball. Were we to add this corollary to our wish, situations in particular and life in general become a little easier to manage. Say, for example, one of you life goals is to meet somebody special and establish a loving, secure and rewarding relationship with them. Fine, that certainly sounds like a good goal. But imagine adding the following thought to it . . . and I understand and accept that not all relationships turn out that way. You understand what you want and you go for it 100%, but with the appreciation that it might not work out.

This is where courage comes in. It takes courage to identify a goal and work toward accomplishing it while acknowledging that things may not work out the way we planned. I suspect this is what Nietzsche found to be so troubling: there are no guarantees, you just set your sites, go to work and hope for the best. On those occasions when you do fail, you take what you can learn from the situation and reapply yourself to your goal. Perhaps your failure points to the need to acquire some new life skills or a mentor. Viewed in this way, you can see that without hope, we would be unable to envision or accomplish very little in our lives. Armed with hope, setbacks on the road of life can more readily seem like a flat tire rather than a head-on collision.

I am a little concerned that concepts such as hope have fallen out of the experience of younger people. Their world has become too fast-paced and success may appear to them as more a matter of luck than perseverance. I hope I’m wrong, but you may want to consider pulling aside your child or some youngster of your acquaintance and gently interview them about their goals and how they would handle adversity. Begin by taking some time to reassess your own life’s goals and the manner in which you manage personal setbacks.

In Greek mythology, when Pandora opened her famous box she released all the evils of the world except one: hope. (Apparently the Greeks had a view of hope similar to Nietzsche’s.) But, without hope to accompany all their troubles humanity soon became filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and released hope, providing mankind with a balm in times of darkness. Foreknowledge of the possibility of failure notwithstanding, hope is an essential element of a positive and constructive life.

2006

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