Heal Brother Heel

William R. Colagrande, MS

The words heel and heal are homophones, words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings. Except in this case, I’ve discovered related meanings for this pair of words. I began making the connection between heeling and healing just recently.

I was thinking about healing, specifically about how one heals from the various demands and stresses of modern life. I suspect that most of the anxiety, fear, and depression we feel is the direct result of poor thought habits. By poor habits, I mean the almost constant, unchecked, unexamined thought processes and attitudes that occur either directly in our consciousness or just beneath the surface of it.

Think of it this way: you’re driving to work in the morning. You’re thinking, Gee, I hope that sob Bob doesn’t upstage my presentation this afternoon, Oh man, that’s the third red light in a row I’ve caught, Wow, the price of fuel is skyrocketing again, etc. The underlying theme to these apparently disparate thoughts is the demand we hold that things are always going to go our way. The more important the topic is (I better get that promotion), the more strongly we hold on to the demand and the more reaction we’re liable to have when it doesn’t turn out our way.

But really it’s the quantity of these type thoughts we have that are more problematic than the quality. The bigger, more important things in our lives that directly impact our health, love life, career, etc tend not only to be fewer in number but we tend to be more aware of them. This awareness often leads to a tempering effect, where we may consciously correct ourselves, Ok, slow down, Big Boy. That promotion isn’t in the bag yet.

I suspect it’s the myriad minor things that happen to us everyday (you can even say all day) that do the most harm. Because they are happening all the time, they become a part of the constant background chatter of our thoughts, so much so that we hardly notice them. And, not noticing them, we fail to correct for their persistent negative effects. Oh Man, why is this lady taking so long at the checkout counter, They show too many of these damn ads during the game, Damn, I’ve just ruined these stockings, etc.

We can get to a point where the cumulative anger, frustration, rage and resentment lead to episodes of depression, apathy, anxiety and guilt, not only affecting our own lives, but that of those around us as well.

So how can we save ourselves from being slowly and permanently dragged into this quagmire of negative feeling? Well, first off we have to train ourselves to become aware of what we’re doing and the impact that doing it has upon us. Becoming aware of attitudinal patterns is fairly easy: just notice when you’re feeling anxious, frightened, enraged, etc. That is always the tip-off that something untoward is going on in your mind. Once you begin catching on to yourself, it becomes possible to stop, or at least interrupt the flow of willful thinking. Everything does not have to go your way. Holding onto the irrational demand that it does causes much more harm than good. Once you realize this, you can save yourself a lot of trouble just by thinking Oh well, some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you.

That’s where the word heel enters in. In the jargon of dog training, teaching your dog to heel means getting them to sit perfectly still at you side (heel) for short periods of time, particularly when they might otherwise get into trouble with children, traffic or other dogs. Heel means, in effect, sit still and cut out what you were doing. That’s we need to do with ourselves. Heeling leads to healing.

Think of the times when really important things didn’t go your way, the death of a loved one, the loss of a lover, a career reversal. It was tough going and you didn’t like it, but guess what: you survived it and the whole experience may have made you into a better person. If you can encounter life’s big blows and live to tell about it, why not consider taking the same approach with life’s constant daily little blows? Believe me, you have no idea how much wear and tear imposing conditions on life takes on our physical and emotional health. Sometimes it takes an encounter with cancer or heart disease to underscore the truth of this. But why wait for that wake-up call?

Next time you catch yourself feeling anxious or otherwise stressed out, stop for a moment and ask yourself What was I thinking just now? Whatever it was, first, stop thinking it; just allow your mind to go blank for a moment in order to quell the thoughts you were having. Second, take note of what the thought was. Soon you will have accumulated a manageable number of themes to be aware of, series of thoughts that typically cause you harm. Awareness is the key to success. As you become proficient at identifying your favorite themes, you’ll be able to recognize them earlier and interrupt the entire process that much sooner.

Interestingly enough, heel is also a slang word for the bad guy in a professional wrestling match, the one who cheats or uses unfair advantage (read folding chair) against his opponent (the good guy or face.) It’s not too much of a stretch to say holding onto a demand that life turn out the way you want is cheating. And, as nobody wants to be the bad guy, heel brother, heal.

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Comments, questions, concerns? I’m always interested in your feedback: e-mail bill@i4hd.com with your ideas.