Happiness or Pleasure?

William R. Colagrande, MS

''I have never searched for happiness. Who wants happiness? I have searched for pleasure.'' So speaks Oscar Wilde’s notoriously static character Dorian Gray. Have you ever considered the difference between pleasure and happiness? While at first blush both terms seem rather simple and uncomplicated, they are both actually quite complex and widely disputed. This is due in part to the fact that both are highly subjective experiences, not lending themselves readily to either precise definition or measurement.

A simple definition of pleasure is a positive sensation. Pleasure is a transient feeling that comes from something external, a good meal, our stock going up, making love, etc. It has to do with positive experiences of our senses, with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us a momentary feeling of happiness, but it does not last long because it is contingent upon a continued supply of external events and experiences. We have to keep on having these good experiences, more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things, in order to continue to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more of them to feel a short-lived experience of happiness. So, while I am not knocking pleasure, its pursuit is problematic to the extent that it depends upon external positive sensory experiences, which may not always be under our immediate control.

Happiness too has a certain transient quality, although some may argue that the quality of happiness is a constant but we go in and out of contact with that quality. And while happiness is also related to external events, it is not nearly as event dependent on them as pleasure seems to be.

In modern western society, particularly in our country, it is widely accepted that happiness is attained through being successful in business, healthy, wealthy, and being physically attractive even through old age. Unfortunately, there is no reliable research to support these claims (with the exception of health). A significant portion of the population believes that happiness is achieved by following the latest cultural fads, going to the latest clubs, buying consumer products seen as trendy or cool, or changing your hair style. However, most people appreciate that these ideals are too superficial, consumeristic and unsatisfying.

Happiness, it would appear, is more of an inner state or condition. One interesting idea has it that when we are engaged in some pleasurable activity (even work) we feel happy not so much as a consequence of the nature of the specific activity, as that we allow ourselves to become lost in it. Imagine this: imagine that we are constantly asking ourselves the following question: Am I happy now? Am I happy now? Am I happy now? a constant, almost silent, background activity of our mental process, Am I happy now? Am I happy now? Then imagine a sudden cessation of this background noise… peace and quiet. We have inadvertently achieved this inner silent state because as we become so absorbed in the particular activity, even the part of our mind that is constantly asking that question forgets itself and falls silent for a while. We may ascribe this happy state to the specific activity we are engaged in and doing so would be at least partially correct. But the real happiness comes not so much from the activity as it does from the loss, or at least silence, of the part of ourselves that is constantly searching, probing, testing, seeking, chattering, etc.

You know how sometimes you can’t fall asleep because you are worried or have too many things on your mind? This is a similar experience. When we have literally nothing on our minds we touch the happiness that lies within each of us. This is the same message that a lot of Eastern philosophies have been offering for thousands of years, simply approached from a different angle.

Consider the sexual orgasm. It is such a blissful, if not momentary, experience because, at the moment of orgasm, we lose ourselves. There is no part of us inside asking What’s going on now? during that moment; there is no self-consciousness, no division, no split, just bliss. And so perhaps the sexual orgasm is the best example of the relationship between pleasure and happiness. We can go on seeking orgasm after orgasm, which is fine, but we can also draw a conclusion about the loss of self-consciousness aspect of the process and pursue happiness along those lines as well.

Some of the other things that the research suggests about people who describe themselves as happy is that they surround themselves with positive people. They focus on good experiences from that past and tend not to dwell upon negative past experiences. They have identified and make regular time in their daily lives for pleasurable and absorbing activities such as reading, listening to music, fishing (my personal favorite), gardening, etc. They have a well developed sense of gratitude and have learned to let go of resentments and forgive. They engage in altruistic activities, such as volunteering and give to and support others. They are, almost by nature, not self absorbed but naturally aware of and concerned for others and they live this concern in the thoughts and actions of their daily lives. And, while we may not all be so endowed by nature, we can make the conscious choice to adopt and practice some of these same lifestyle choices.

2007

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